The troubled mind and relationships

I've been in quite a few relationships. If you were lucky enough to have found the love of your life at first go, don't judge some of us who haven't. Yeah, I said it. But, I digress. My previous relationships were quite a mixed bag. Some were fun and tranquil while they lasted. A few were hell. Sometimes it was my fault, I admit. Sometimes it was the girl's. But that is not the point of this post.

Relationships can be pretty involving, physically, emotionally and mentally. Let's be honest, there are some partners who can really mess with your head. Based on their behaviour, you're constantly left with a splitting headache. Ladies, you wonder who he is with when he is out drinking, for example. For guys, you wonder if among those guy friends with whom she constantly hangs out, there isn't some bloke bonking her. Not that all these thoughts come out of the blue, no. Sometimes a guy or girl can be trusting, but his/her lover's behaviour can lead to suspicions. And that's not all; the constant arguments even over trivial things can be a bitch. You argue so much that sometimes you forget what you were arguing about but still stay mad at each other for days. Like I said; hell.

Now,  if you're someone who confesses to having a billion things running through your mind per second like me, such relationships are unhealthy for a number of reasons. But here is the worst one, according to me. You might end up hurting your lover. I mean, think about it. You already think about ways of, at best, hurting someone and, at worst, murdering them. Don't lie, you and I think about such things. Then in your life you have someone who is either constantly making you sad or angry. You just might decide one day to put those thoughts into practice. Put yourself out of your misery by taking THEM out of the equation, so to speak. That's how people in relationships end up killing each other. Their better halves add pressure to their already messed-up heads. I'ts like giving a tiny push to someone who was already on the tipping point. Am I speaking from experience? The thought part, yes. Practise? No. And I do not recommend it, either. No lover is worth going to jail for. At least not over something like that.

So here's the thing; if you know that your mind is a little too occupied, like mine, watch who you start a relationship with. If s/he is that constantly nagging, constantly hanging out with suspicious "friends" and acting like you don't exist type, then try to avoid it. Or, leave before it is too late. The extra emotional pressure is just not worth it. Your mind is already on the road to the funny farm. You just might end up with blood on your hands after a crazed episode. On the other hand, if YOU'RE the constantly nagging, constantly hanging out with suspicious friends and acting like your guy or girl doesn't exist type, then a relationship is not for you. You already know how hard all this is on your warped brain. Would you wish the same on someone else? I think not.

van Daks.

Maintaining one's sanity

"People say I am mad. That might not be far from the truth. You see, son, I drink, I get the occassional lay, I work. That is how I maintain my sanity. It works too. I know that I'm tottering on the edge of that dark mental abyss and I will do anything to stop me from going over. Because if I do not, and I end up falling into that tar-black hole of insanity, I'll be gone, son. It won't be me anymore; I will not be the same. I will never return. And I will die before I ever let that happen." Prof. Drinx Lackafish (2015)

Let me just point out that the professor is a fictional character of mine. But, he does have a point. Most of us sometimes reach a point where we feel like we're going to lose our minds. You have a lot of crap going on in your head you just want to scream at the top of your voice. But, of course, we manage to restrain ourselves, or at least make it look that way. We look calm on the outside while in our minds, we're still screaming. It is quite a struggle, bottling it all in, trying not to go bat-shit crazy. Some end up losing it; most of us do not.

We all have ways of coping, of maintaining our grip on sanity. Some, like the Prof, drink a lot. That helps some, with others it only makes things worse. Some use sex as a reliever. That works too, so long as you don't catch anything or get addicted.  Others focus on work. Others focus on the bible, their relationship with the man upstairs. That works wonders, I hear, if you don't take it too far and start killing people in the name of your faith or start seeing everyone else as possessed by demons. I'm pretty sure the guy with the horns and pitchfork just loves that. Anyway, the point is, almost each one of us is at risk of losing bricks from their building. But there are a lot of ways out there in which we can try to prevent that. What's yours?

van Daks.  

The thing about God...

God works in mysterious ways. When you're hungry, a stranger might show up with food. You get married and a year later, you have cancer. Just when you think your crops are going to wilt, you get the much-needed rainfall. You might be about to harvest and your crops get swept away by floods. You fly all the way to the other side of the continent and make it back alive. A little boy might step out of his house and get hit by a car a minute later. An alcoholic and a womaniser gets to live until eighty. That innocent, religious virgin gets AIDS from her husband just months into their marriage. The thing is, we might never understand why God does some of the things He does, or why He lets some things happen. I for one stopped trying to understand. Doesn't mean I still don't get pissed at Him sometimes, though.

van Daks.

Death wish

I nearly ran over two cyclists, recently. I was coming up from behind them, two men chatting away in the middle of my lane. Naturally, I blew my horn. Instead of moving out of the way, the two sonsabitches decided to have an overtaking contest. I had to swerve into another lane to avoid them.

Here's why I'm writing this. The normal, sensible side of me said, "let it go." The evil side of me, however, wanted me to nudge them outta the way lil' bit. As is usually the case when I'm sober, the normal side won. All this got me thinking, though; how many people have I wished harm upon in my entire life? Let's be honest, there are some people who make you so angry you just want to beat or choke the crap outta them. Or some really annoying people who just won't shut up. Or people who know the right way of doing things but do them the wrong way just to piss off someone. People so irritating you just want them to stop breathing.

Okay, murder sounds like an extreme solution, you might say and I suppose you're right. But truth be told, the only reason why some people aren't dead is due to the fact that murder is a crime, conscience and religious consequences begone. I do not know why people think that way, I am not a bloody psychologist. What I DO know is that watching those two cyclists, they who had ignored my incessant blaring of the horn, fall to the side of the road would have given me satisfaction. Lil' bit. If that makes me an evil human being, that's fine. In the meantime, I will try not to think of anybody dying. I am not making any promises, though.

van Daks.

Sorry for the looooong wait...

Hi,

So, here's the thing. Back when dinosaurs still roamed the earth, I decided to create this blog and post whatever was going through my head. But, it turns out TOO MUCH was crammed in my little ol' brain that I forgot to do this altogether. But not anymore. From now on, I'll be totally focused. Well, not totally. My attention span is kinda short.  Anywho, "Sorry for the wait."

van Daks.